by Dale Parker Anderson

Short Film
Email: [email protected]

What if you can't avoid sexuality, guilt, peer, pressure, bigots, rumours, misunderstanding, jocks, romance and loneliness. This charming and compelling Australian comedy is a cinematic valentine about coming to terms with who you are. It mingles laughter and tears, and like its two hero's, is dertimined to make you soar above everything else.

Putting the Queens back in Queensland


Shot of the beach with ‘Zadoc the Priest’ by Handle playing as the opening music and opening credits roll.

Shot of two teenage surfies unstrapping there boards off the roof of there car and getting there towel and gear out of the boot and running down a sand path towards the beach, both are wearing only board shorts and have beach towels over there shoulders and are caring backpacks.

David is 18 years old with long dark shoulder length hair he is handsome with a muscular sporty build.

Paul is 18, tall with long blond hair, he is fair and angelic looking with a lean swimmers build.

Both boys are mates from school and are looking forward to spending the day at the beach swimming and surfing.

Shot of Paul getting sunscreen out of his bag and rubbing it on his shoulders and of David unzipping and getting a pack of unopened cigarettes from out of his bag. The opening music abruptly stops.

David: You look like a fucking European painting, mate!

Paul: I don’t know what a European painting looks like?

Paul turns to David with his new expression that makes him look as if he was lit from within by the whitest of candles. It’s something, that look. Holy joy. Fainting carnality!

David: Mate you want a smoke?

Paul: Nah!

Someone grabs them from David’s hand. It is Steven Smith, the class bully. He  holds the cigarettes high in the air so that David cant reach them.

Steven: I was grounded for calling my sister a slut, but mums working in the TAB. Long as I’m back by four-thirty.

He raises an eyebrow, smiling.

Steven (to David): Have you seen who’s on the beach?

He tilts his head over towards a blonde surfie chick sunbaking on the beach.

Steven: I think I am in love.

Paul is staring at Steven outraged he is so rude grabbing David’s cigarettes with out asking

Steven (to Paul): What are you staring at you fucking fairy?

He starts to walk towards the sunbaking blonde chick. David and Paul follow. Paul feels like the milky fat kid, all thumbs and no ounce of cool. Steven opens the smokes, takes out the foil and a couple of cigarettes and throws them on the sand.

Steven: Don’t want to look like we just opened them.

He walks over to the blonde Surfie chick.

Steven: Got a match (said in his best Paul Newman voice)

Surfie Chick: My arse and your face

Paul is horrified by the girl’s rough language and wonders why anyone would like her.

Steven takes out a cigarette and lays down in the sand next to her. David puts his things down and spreads his towel down near them. Paul remains standing.

Steven: You gonna light it for me

Surfie Chick: If you give us one

Steven offers her the pack and she takes one. She pulls out a box of matches, takes his cigarette, lights both at once and hands his back.

David: Stevo, mate can I have me smokes back

Steven throws the cigarettes at David, not taking his eyes off the surfie chick.

David: Can I get a light

Steven hands him his lit cigarette and David donkey-roots it. David punches a hole in the sand to make room for his private parts and sits down. Paul looks awkward every time Paul looks at the Surfie chick he catches her looking at him. This is all too much for Paul, he is not coping.

Paul: I’m going for a dip

Paul throws his towel, backpack, sunnies, surfboard and gear on the sand near the others and runs along the burning hot sand and jumps into the water and dives under a wave and swims about 100 meters out to sea. David gets up and follows Paul running after him and dives into the water and swims out near Paul. David yells to Paul

David: Race Ya back to the beach, last one out is a scab!

Paul cuts his way through the water, being a stronger swimmer than David he arrives at the beach first. But as he stands up to get out of the water David comes up from behind him and crash tackles him into the shallow water. They both grab and clamber over each other. They are like dogs one on top of the other, their bodies surrounding each others. Paul tries to break his grip, prising him off him and shoving him with his bum. They are alive with glee and effort as the jostle for the trophy.

David: Shit your hurting me

Paul: Give in, suck and the pain stops.

Steven (off): Hey Davo, I’d get out of the water if I was you mate, you might catch AIDS if that faggots been swimming in there!

David and Paul stop mucking about and look down the beach towards Steven. Steven is standing at the edge of the water with Paul’s towel and bag in his hands holding them above his head threatening to throw them into the sea.

David: Stevo don’t mate, Paul’s not done anything to you.

Steven: He is a fucking poofter

Paul: Don’t Steven I’ve got my wallet and camera and mobile phone in that bag

Steven (yelling): Fuckin poofter!

Steven throws Paul’s bag, towel and gear into the water. Shot of David and Paul standing in the shallow water further up the beach both dripping wet and both looking horrified. Sound of a lifesavers whistle being blown. Shot of a lifesaver arguing with Steven and of Steven being escorted from the beach by the lifesaver because of what he has done.
Shot of Paul and David in the water grabbing Paul’s bag, sunglasses, towel, and thongs out of the sea.

David: Are you a poofter?

Paul: What?

He wasn’t expecting this from David his best mate

David: Gay

Paul: I am happy when I am with you. There said it now go piss yourself

David: No

Paul: Why not? Don’t you think it’s funny?

David: I don’t want to

Paul: I think it’s hilarious

David: Yeah?

Paul: Too right

David: Well why aren’t you laughing then

Paul not saying anything

David: Say something

Paul: Can’t   

Shot of a very attractive girl walking along the sand towards them. She is in a bikini, blonde, about 18years old with very big tits.

David: See this Sheila coming towards us!

Paul does not say anything but just nods his head

David: Stare at her tits, imagine how it would be to fondle them and kiss them. Doesn’t that do anything for you?

Paul stares at the girl tits thinking to himself, please God make me like girls!

Girl: What are you starring at? Piss off you fucking pervert!

Paul blushes and looks down at his feet, David puts his hand around Paul’s waist and kisses him on the side of the cheek and smiles.

David: Girls don’t do anything for me either

Paul: Does this mean we are engaged?  Are going out together?

David: You haven’t asked me yet.

Paul: Master David, will you go round with me.

David: Yep 



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