MY MATE

by John Laing

Short Film
Email: johnlaing90@hotmail.com

Laurie and Doug yearn for the chance to make it big and get some respect, but that is not always possible if you are complete losers. However sometimes things do work out for the best, or do they. The only way they can get some respect and cash is to do an armed robbery, which is way out of their league, having failed as shoplifters and inturn as car thieves, but this job is a sure thing and will set them up in the big league.




Mate!




By John Laing

March 2005


Draft Copy

March 2005
                            © COPYRIGHT John Laing, 2005
                               28 Grevillea Road
                    Ashgrove Qld
Australia 4060
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Synopsis:

Laurie and Doug yearn for the chance to make it big and get some respect, but that is not always possible if you are complete losers. However sometimes things do work out for the best, or do they.  The only way they can get some respect and cash is to do an armed robbery, which is way out of their league, having failed as shoplifters and inturn as car thieves, but this job is a sure thing and will set them up in the big league.

The second episode (Pub Dunny Blues) soon proves that a fool and his money are soon parted, when Doug during celebrations at the pub (about 15 minutes after the job, still with the bag of cash), finds himself locked in the Dunny with a rather large man. Who feels that he has a right to the money, as it was his brother who got caught doing the job. Either Doug is very smart or very stupid, hiding and moving from cubicle to cubicle, but it will be over his dead body before he hands over anything and that’s about right. The police bash down the door of the dunny to arrest the Brother, who is under surveillance as a drug dealer. Without knowing this DOUG starts stuffing his money down the toilet, whilst outside his cubicle the Brother is being arrested. By the time all the money is flushed down the dunny, the policeman drag the Brother out and tap on the cubicle door, “you right mate, you should be right now we’ve arrest the bloke, (passes card under door), just give us a call if you get time” and leaves. Doug is left on the Dunny.

























Scene 1. INT        Car.                                Day 1                                           
Outside suburban shopping centre, where the effects of beautification where yet to materialise, with a drunk going through the bin behind the car.
LAURIE and DOUG are sitting in the front of a car in its original condition including the original rust and bog.


LAURIE

Ready to go Doug


DOUG

Yep ready when you are


LAURIE

I am ready to go


DOUG

Me to Mate..me to


LAURIE

Got the piece


DOUG

Yep right here


DOUG taps his jacket


LAURIE

Good mate …. Is it any good


DOUG

Shit yeah…it scare the shit out of the punters inside


LAURIE

Beauty..lets go


DOUG

I am right behind you mate


LAURIE

What, I thought you were going in first


DOUG

What me


LAURIE

Yeah you


DOUG

Why


LAURIE

Because you’ve got the bloody gun dickhead


DOUG

Awe right…lets go


LAURIE

Right after you


DOUG

Right on the count of three

LAURIE

Okay


DOUG

One …two


LAURIE

Hey Doug you got the bag


DOUG

Awe have’nt you got it


LAURIE

Awe yeah ..just checking


DOUG

Right..lets go on three again..okay


LAURIE

Righty oh mate


DOUG

One……two……..you got the note


LAURIE
Searches pockets, pulls out paper

ah yeah here it is..

DOUG

One…


LAURIE

Oh shit


DOUG

What


LAURIE

It’s the bloody shopping list


DOUG

What


LAURIE

Oh sorry mate its on the other side


DOUG

Right


LAURIE

Yep


DOUG

One…..two ………



DOUG & LAURIE

THREE!

They go to jump out of car, while drunk picks out a milk carton from bin and stamps on it..BANG. LAURIE and DOUG jump back in the car



DOUG

Christ what was that

Looking around and shaking

LAURIE
looking around from back seat

piss off…. It was only that wino getting shit out the bin


DOUG

Shit


LAURIE

What


DOUG
Ducking down
it’s the cops


LAURIE

Shit

Ducks down in back seat

Police drag drunk away after putting on rubber gloves who throws up over back of LAURIE’s car

LAURIE

Bastard

As he gets up and moves to front


LAURIE

What to you reckon

DOUG still crouched in floor of car




DOUG

What

LAURIE

they’ve gone


DOUG
Getting up
oh right mate…what you reckon…that was close a….better give it a miss today


LAURIE
Pause, looks around

Yeah I reckon your right mate…it’s a bit risky…..but I was ready to go


DOUG

Me too mate… me too


LAURIE

How about tomorrow


DOUG

Sorry I can’t….got be down at centrelink all day..otherwise they will cut me off


LAURIE

What about Thursday


DOUG
       
Nuh can’t make that either..gotta help the missus,,she’d kill me….how about Friday then..I can do Friday no probs


LAURIE

Sorry mate ..can’t its sport day and I promised my kid I’d go an watch.


DOUG

What about next week


LAURIE

Next weeks right out…..the missus has got me doing some painten and stuff….better if we take a rain check …what do yer reckon


DOUG

Fine with me mate…I woz ready to go but


LAURIE

Awe no two ways about it mate… you were ready to go alright…better ditch the car mate


DOUG

Awe We better not ditch it mate


LAURIE

Why not



DOUG

Its my mums car and she needs s’arvo to go to bingo


LAURIE

You dickhead..you were going to do job and use you mums car for the getaway

DOUG

Whats wrong with that


LAURIE

You’re a dickhead


DOUG

Piss off Laurie you think your so smart


LAURIE

Smarter than you dickhead


DOUG

Just because you passed woodwork you reckon your shit don’t stink


LAURIE

Not as bad as yours…DICKHEAD

Makes gestures with hand


DOUG

Get stuffed


LAURIE

Great comeback DICK..HEAD


DOUG

Piss off arsehole….you wanna walk a



LAURIE

I am not walking anywhere DICKHEAD


DOUG

F*&# off then……got five bucks


LAURIE

Whatta want five bucks for?


DOUG

Petrol money…me mum said I had to put petrol in it


LAURIE

I am not paying for petrol


DOUG

You do the crime, you do the time..pay up


LAURIE

Piss off I am not paying..no way


DOUG

Where not going anywhere until you pay

DOUG folds sit back and closes his eyes. LAURIE looks hard for a long while waying up the situation. LAURIE goes through is pockets getting out change counts it and throws down on central consul of car.

LAURIE

There’s you five bucks you tight arse.




DOUG

Thanks mate…home James


LAURIE

Yeah lets piss off outta here

DOUG tries to start the car, makes several attempts without success


LAURIE

Whats the matter Doug


DOUG

Outta petrol…………..mate




Scene 2. Ext        Street.                            Day 2                                           
Two men pushing a car down a street, close up of DOUG who now has a black eye, a miserable expression and a ripped shirt.


Scene 3. INT        Car.                                Day 2                                       
Two men sitting in a car outside a suburban shopping centre, where the effects of beautification were yet to materialise.

Laurie and Doug are sitting in the front of a car, which is in its original condition including the original rust and bog. They are waiting to make their Second attempt at a bank robbery.


LAURIE

Ready to go Dougie


DOUG

No worries mate


LAURIE

Got the gun


DOUG

Shit yeah

DOUG begins to chew harder on his gum, shows gun to LAURIE from under his jacket.

It’s a beautie


LAURIE

Shit Doug put it away….someone might see


DOUG

Bloody beauty a

DOUG rubs gun, takes a closer look and puts back under his jacket


LAURIE

Is it loaded


DOUG

Course its bloody loaded…christ Laurie I wouldn’t go in with a empty gun.


LAURIE

Well for Christ sake don’t go pointing that bloody thing near me


DOUG

Well I wasn’t going to point the bloody thing at you …was I….. you think I am a moron


LAURIE

Well now you come to mention it


DOUG

DOUG Pulls out gun and starts waving it

So think I am a moron


LAURIE

Shit Doug are you %&*@*^> crazy


DOUG

Yous called me a moron


LAURIE
LAURIE with more panic in his voice.

Shit Dougie mate.. .. I didn’t mean it …honestly…Christ


DOUG

Yous better appolgise..and quick

DOUG starts waving gun more.


LAURIE

For Christ sake Doug


DOUG

All yous got to do is appologise for calling me a moron

DOUG starts to move gun more slowly towards Laurie.


LAURIE

I apologise….is that better


DOUG

Nuh

DOUG points gun at LAURIE groin and pulls trigger, gun clicks while LAURIE trys to jump through roof.


LAURIE

*()& Doug you bastard (shaking)…you could have killed me


DOUG

It wasn’t loaded anyway

DOUG puts gun back in jacket.

LAURIE

Shit

LAURIE still shaking.


DOUG

You shouldn’t call me a moron


LAURIE

This is the last time I come on job with you mate..your mad…..next time I am getting Irish


DOUG

Awe Laurie


LAURIE

Irish’s not a crazy bugger like you…he’ll do it proper


DOUG

Awe Laurie mate..It won’t happen again


LAURIE

Bloody oath it won’t mate…your dangerous


DOUG

Awe come on mate… it won’t happen again….come on…please..please…ppplease..buddy pal mate!


LAURIE

Awe shit….. alright…….lets do this mate


DOUG

Mate


LAURIE

Mate


LAURIE & DOUG

Mate


LAURIE

Ready to go


DOUG

Shit yeah


LAURIE

Lets go


DOUG

Mate


LAURIE

Mate


THEY high five each other and put on balaclavas, THEY jump out of the car dressed in overalls and balaclavas. The street is darker and dimly lit now.

THEY jump back in car ripping of Balaclavas and  panting


LAURIE

You dickhead


DOUG

It wasn’t my fault


LAURIE

You bloody dickhead


DOUG

It wasn’t my fault it woz closed


LAURIE

You and your bloody gun…wasting bloody time about calling you a moron


DOUG

You shouldn’t have called me a moron Laurie



LAURIE

Why not you are a moron…moron

DOUG Pulls out the gun from his jacket

DOUG

I told you not to call me a moron


LAURIE

Moron Moron Moron


Cars start shaking as two men struggle…BANG the gun goes off through roof, hits a  street light shatters over car…pause, the car trys to start several  times.Two men jump out and run down deserted dimly lit street.




Scene 3. INT        Car.                            Day 3       

Two men are again sitting in a car outside a suburban shopping centre, where the effects of beautification were yet to materialise.

Laurie and Doug are sitting in the front of a car, which now has a dodgy attempt at a sunroof. They are waiting to make their Third attempt at robbing the same Bank.    This time they decided to have a couple of calming ales, Doug has brought a few along in case they need further calming.       


LAURIE

Ready to go mate


DOUG is taking a swig from a stubby and trying to hide it.

DOUG

Yeah almost
                   

LAURIE

Wadda yer mean almost….either you are or you aren’t..stop buggering around.


        DOUG
            Sorry mate but I am not wasting a good stubbie


                    LAURIE
           
            Did you bring more beer


                    DOUG
       
            Shit yeah.

Holds up a six pack

            Just to help calm the nerves a bit


                    LAURIE

            I hope you not to pissed to do the job


                    DOUG

            Course not ….. I’ve only had the 3 at your place


                    LAURIE

            That’s okay


                    DOUG

And the 4 at my mums when I went to pick up the car.. you can’t just rock up without havin a drink mate.


                    LAURIE

            That’s right mate, but  you ..


                    DOUG

And yeah there where the half dozen I had at my place before that.
        LAURIE

You Dickhead…why did you drink all that beer mate


        DOUG

I didn’t


        LAURIE

Bullshit, you just told me


        DOUG

Nah it wasn’t just beer….the half dozen cans where rum and cokes.


        LAURIE

Shit why did you drink rum in the morning?


        DOUG

Simple, I’d drunk all the Burbon last night.


        LAURIE

Why?


        DOUG

Just to relax mate


        LAURIE

You’ll be nice and relaxed now!


LAURIE makes a loser sign while DOUG is not looking



                    DOUG

            Well I needed to get nice and relaxed mate


                    LAURIE

            How bloody relaxed do you need to be


                    DOUG

            This is a big job mate, a lots riding on it


                    LAURIE

            To right there was ….. christ mate we can’t go in there now
                   

                    DOUG

            Why not

DOUG pulls out gun and starts waving it about whilst trying open another can of beer.


                    LAURIE

            SHIT! Mate put that down

DOUG Continues to wave the gun, some of beer sprays in LAURIE face when its opens


                    LAURIE

            You dickhead


                    DOUG

            Sorry mate


                    LAURIE

            Sorry? Sorry…..shit… another job down the drain

                    DOUG

            That’s you problem Laurie your to tense


                    LAURIE

Tense ..Cause I’m bloody tense, my dickhead mate gets pissed before doing a job


        DOUG

She’ll be right mate I can do it


        LAURIE

Oh great not only will you end up shooting someone, you’ll get done for D and D during the getaway….IF you don’t stack the car first.


        DOUG

Sorry mate

DOUG open another beer and passes to LAURIE


            Here get this into yer


LAURIE pauses and accepts the beer if you cant beat em join em


                    LAURIE

            Thanks mate… try again next week


                    DOUG

            Shit yer

DOUG and LAURIE are sitting the car drinking there beer staring out of the car

A late model car pulls up in front of them, coming past at great speed, two men get out pulling down stockings over their heads. One man is holding a gun the other a large bag, they run quickly into the bank

DOUG and LAURIE open another beer and continue to watch the action in silence

A gun shot rings out from the distance and an alarm goes off, the volume of the siren overtakes the scene.
Shortly the two men run out of the bank one with what looks like a full bag.

As the two men get into the car a police car hurtles past and stops the getaway car from getting away. The men involved in the robbery flee the car and past DOUG and LAURIE’s car, the police are in pursuit.

DOUG looks and LAURIE

                   

                    LAURIE

            Shit mate lets piss off


                    DOUG

            Just a minute mate


                    LAURIE

            What the ?

DOUG jumps out of the car, struggles to put on this mask, falls, gets up and staggers to the getaway car. Eventually he returns carry a bag and gets back into the drivers.


                    DOUG

            Waste not want not


                    LAURIE

            Shit Doug lets get out of here


                    DOUG

            Cool down mate… no one will notice


                    LAURIE

            Look in the mirror


DOUG looks in mirror sees he has the mask on, pulls off and starts car. People are starting to appear from hiding in the surrounding area the see what is happening.

The car takes a while to start, eventually the car starts and moves away from the scene in a jerky fashion, letting of a loud bang from the exhaust on the way down the street, any people around duck for cover and LAURIE tries to hide.

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© COPYRIGHT John Laing, 2005

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