by M.Kryzhanovsky

Short Film

 Hi,my name is Mike Shore,it's rainy outside and if weather sucks I prefere to look at wet and lonely Union Square and talk to myself.Bar is good,beer is cold ,music is low and crackers salty. Total NYC happiness.       My best buddy Bob Silver calls me "laughing Mickey"  for some absence of humour since our service in top secret sabotage & intelligence "Bedger " unit,kidnapping politicians,military chiefs,scientists and changing them by twin copies. Routine. We produced a small ocean of blood  and psychiatrists told us to forget about stuff like marriage and kids.OK.
   I love Bob,I love my ex Tasha and I love New York City. I'm not US President,I'm not a woman,just New Yorker. I'm a thief on weekdays for  fun  and if you  think that's easy try to do thirty people a day and make a thousand bucks yourself.
People are divided  into stupid and very stupid.Thanks for beer. One day He's gonna ask you  what you've got for Him - and what you gonna show? Banking account,plastic surgery,used condoms? Crematorium guys told me that fucking silicone boobs produce a lot of smoke and they have to clean chimneys every day , you can imagine that ? Do you want that?
I steal and give half to soup kitchens and I can boast something different on my way to hell.  A guy from Heaven makes a phone call to his friend in Hell:"Hi,what's up?" " Fine! Sauna,champagne,three orgies! You?"  "Fine.Have to paint the gate,repair the bridge and pile the apples" "Why do you work,idiot?!" " Because...because...there's nobody else!".Joke.

 The first client in thhe morning has to be a man and the day has to be lucky. I do five clients ,pass wallets to Tasha and
start all over. Thirty is enough,we go home and check our luck.Credit cards,ID's,escort service,up to forty in cash.Big shots go to Bob's files and Tasha  perspective clients. Once Ive got microfilm and tried to get the guy myself but it was too late; transferred headache to FBI. Any time I touch the guy and feel a gun I call police - call me a rat or how  crooks call people like me.   I'm not too original and steal at regular places - restaurants,bars,clubs,supermarkets and,my love - subway!!.  Midtown West End,rush hours,when my fellow New Yorkers  run and are deep in their thoughts on food & sex,wallets in  b a c k  p o c k e t s only.  I don't read newspapers / " The movie starts January, 1st! That's the best movie of the year!!!!!! " Thanks God, Academy members don't read newspapers too... The less you know the better you sleep.../ but  I buy one  every day,as flowers, to cover my hands while I work. If I can't steal with bare fingers or pincett I cut  a  pocket or a bag with a tiny piece of razor in my watch bracelette. I never touch old people - they could have heart attack but I have no mercy to models and celebrities - by cleaning them out of jewelry at night parties and ceremonies i help them to get back to normal self-esteem,OK? Stuff goes to Tasha's collection and if a star or a big shot  behaves good,changes life style or do some charity, Tasha could send a gift back.
 I have enough cash but I never give change to poor New Yorkers. Say no to "drugs". I buy soda,ham&cheese sandwich and fucking crack cocaine addict has a damned choice - he shares dinner with me or jumps over Brooklyn Bridge.I don't understand humour,remember?                      I hate competition. I f  I see anybody doing the job in Manhattan,I put a nice piece of notice in his pocket saying to stop bullshit. Next time I could push him a little bit in a subway and there's no one more time,sorry.        I never hurt ladies but once I saw a very regular  somebody at Madison,Park and 5th avenues expensive  stores and she was making at least a hundred grand a day working with special scissors I've never seen before. I followed her to to Central Park West apartment and put notice under the door.In a month Tasha reported the same cutie  on 47th "goelden" street. She followed her to another aparrtment and put one more notice.Fuck! Next day Tasha  called from Macy's ,she touched her gently - cutie had a gun on her and it was against all the rules ,pocket thiefs  do not carry  guns and have no blood on their hands and I'm the only horrible exception in the world. You gonna laugh but Tasha put a snake in her bag and finally Barbie has disappeared from NYC.
   Bob keeps New York under control 24/7 with his supercomputer,he's disabled - a kid jumped on a highway ...
   Tasha is good too.She stages  heart attack somewhere inthe park and there's always a well dressed guy who's ready  to help a model while she cleans his pockets while I work security.      I know and trust Tasha for ages. We've been work-ing killers for anybody with money,mostly espionage agencies,hunting traitors in Europe. She picked up a mark and I was waiting in some dark and lonely place with a silenced gun on their way to love nest. A show,shit. We had to do execitions and explain every nice guy why,why,why.....   In France we were hunting the hunters - exceptional couple doing same job  for Russians,damned good,always at alert and ready to shoot,never slept both at the same time.  We just waited until  they've relaxed a little bit and triedswingers club. Naturally,me and Tasha were the best choice as partners... We staged  double suicide - one rope,two loops,two dead bodies hanging on a tree. Dirty stuff,especially in France.     In Rome,Italy we walked through autumn park when Tasha said:"I don't like these fucking piles of dry leves".The mark  was approaching us. We got the guns ready  and started running just in time - a whole bunch of armed  men jumped out of the pile...  In Berlin,Germany we are back to our car after dinner  and she smells a man. We left the car  and in a few seconds in exploded.            Can I have some food? Tasha is a hooker now.Beer only?OK.Rain only.Best time for hookers.Loneliness and philosophy.Talking to myself.I'm getting old,young guys never talk to themselves.
 My sex life is good,transsexual clubs mostly. The best of two worlds. You'v tried the rest ,now try the best - I always make a joke of this ad - You've tried the best,now try the rest!Girls with something extra.
 On weekends we clean our New York. Every Saturday I dress a little bit better than for Oscar Awards  and walk up & down Manhattan the whole night looking for nice guys who are looking gor easy money; I do plastic facial surgery,dental work  and total physical too - and I prefere New Yorkers,of course.
 I never take  buses. Can I have Morning Headache? Beer & vodka,thanks. I never take buses but once I did as  I always trust my intuition. Three beautiful guys came in and one of them marked a small cross with a pen on the back of a seat. Then an old  woman took it and I was the only one who had a very good idea what's gonna happen next .Nice guys played a special card game - you loose and you have to kill anybody they point at. That was the case. We left the bus together  and I thought it would be too much honour for the garbage to be shot,sorry...
 What else. Oh, Most Wanted List. We have a Big Crew Party  when we got sex maniac or serial killer. Food and wine is beyond imagination and sugar guest still has  a right to order  anything from any Manhattan restaurant; I'm always ready to cook one of my kidneys. The client has a right for the last wish and that's usually Tasha's strip dancing.    "Practitioner" was the best of the best and before he happened  two things only could surprise me in this world - true love and true friendship . Now there's one more - true cruelty  that was unknown even to me. "Practitioner" kidnapped young boys,took them to his basement,raped them and then they had a choice :  tortures and death or just death. Bob got him while checking  NYPD surveillance system in a subway. We were sitting at the table and just couldn't say a word. Y o u
c a n  n o t   i m a g i n e   h o w    h   a   p   p   y    we were . I told him he could rape all of us one by one if  that's his last wish but he took a bottle of cognac.  We all agreed that our guest  fully deserved a favour to be boiled on e very low fire - in such a way he could watch  a l l  horrible home videos we found in his basement.

 No more rain ? No more beer. Don't call us crazy. We are not afraid of hell - they need cleaners over there too. I had to go. Thanks for the beer and God bless New York City.

                                                 The End.

Download Script

Script Submission Form

Sponsored Links