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718-284-3943
M.Kryzhanovsky,
20 Crooke ave,6C,Brooklyn,Ny 11226
C L E A N E R S
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Hi,my name is Mike
Shore,it's rainy outside and if weather sucks I prefere to look at wet and
lonely Union Square and talk to myself.Bar is good,beer is cold ,music is
low and crackers salty. Total NYC happiness.
My best buddy Bob Silver calls me
"laughing Mickey" for some absence of humour since our service in
top secret sabotage & intelligence "Bedger " unit,kidnapping
politicians,military chiefs,scientists and changing them by twin copies.
Routine. We produced a small ocean of blood and psychiatrists told
us to forget about stuff like marriage and kids.OK.
I love Bob,I love my ex Tasha and I love New York
City. I'm not US President,I'm not a woman,just New Yorker. I'm a thief on
weekdays for fun and if you think that's easy try to do
thirty people a day and make a thousand bucks yourself.
People are
divided into stupid and very stupid.Thanks for beer. One day He's
gonna ask you what you've got for Him - and what you gonna show?
Banking account,plastic surgery,used condoms? Crematorium guys told me
that fucking silicone boobs produce a lot of smoke and they have to clean
chimneys every day , you can imagine that ? Do you want that?
I steal
and give half to soup kitchens and I can boast something different on my
way to hell. A guy from Heaven makes a phone call to his friend in
Hell:"Hi,what's up?" " Fine! Sauna,champagne,three orgies! You?"
"Fine.Have to paint the gate,repair the bridge and pile the apples"
"Why do you work,idiot?!" " Because...because...there's nobody
else!".Joke.
The first client in thhe
morning has to be a man and the day has to be lucky. I do five clients
,pass wallets to Tasha and
start all over. Thirty is enough,we go home
and check our luck.Credit cards,ID's,escort service,up to forty in
cash.Big shots go to Bob's files and Tasha perspective clients. Once
Ive got microfilm and tried to get the guy myself but it was too late;
transferred headache to FBI. Any time I touch the guy and feel a gun I
call police - call me a rat or how crooks call people like me.
I'm not too original and steal at regular places -
restaurants,bars,clubs,supermarkets and,my love - subway!!. Midtown
West End,rush hours,when my fellow New Yorkers run and are deep in
their thoughts on food & sex,wallets in b a c k p o c k e
t s only. I don't read newspapers / " The movie starts January, 1st!
That's the best movie of the year!!!!!! " Thanks God, Academy members
don't read newspapers too... The less you know the better you sleep.../
but I buy one every day,as flowers, to cover my hands while I
work. If I can't steal with bare fingers or pincett I cut a
pocket or a bag with a tiny piece of razor in my watch bracelette. I
never touch old people - they could have heart attack but I have no mercy
to models and celebrities - by cleaning them out of jewelry at night
parties and ceremonies i help them to get back to normal self-esteem,OK?
Stuff goes to Tasha's collection and if a star or a big shot behaves
good,changes life style or do some charity, Tasha could send a gift back.
I have enough cash but I never give change to poor New Yorkers.
Say no to "drugs". I buy soda,ham&cheese sandwich and fucking crack
cocaine addict has a damned choice - he shares dinner with me or jumps
over Brooklyn Bridge.I don't understand humour,remember?
I
hate competition. I f I see anybody doing the job in Manhattan,I put
a nice piece of notice in his pocket saying to stop bullshit. Next time I
could push him a little bit in a subway and there's no one more
time,sorry. I never hurt ladies
but once I saw a very regular somebody at Madison,Park and 5th
avenues expensive stores and she was making at least a hundred grand
a day working with special scissors I've never seen before. I followed her
to to Central Park West apartment and put notice under the door.In a month
Tasha reported the same cutie on 47th "goelden" street. She followed
her to another aparrtment and put one more notice.Fuck! Next day Tasha
called from Macy's ,she touched her gently - cutie had a gun on her
and it was against all the rules ,pocket thiefs do not carry
guns and have no blood on their hands and I'm the only horrible
exception in the world. You gonna laugh but Tasha put a snake in her bag
and finally Barbie has disappeared from NYC.
Bob
keeps New York under control 24/7 with his supercomputer,he's disabled - a
kid jumped on a highway ...
Tasha is good too.She
stages heart attack somewhere inthe park and there's always a well
dressed guy who's ready to help a model while she cleans his pockets
while I work security. I know and trust
Tasha for ages. We've been work-ing killers for anybody with money,mostly
espionage agencies,hunting traitors in Europe. She picked up a mark and I
was waiting in some dark and lonely place with a silenced gun on their way
to love nest. A show,shit. We had to do execitions and explain every nice
guy why,why,why..... In France we were hunting the hunters -
exceptional couple doing same job for Russians,damned good,always at
alert and ready to shoot,never slept both at the same time. We just
waited until they've relaxed a little bit and triedswingers club.
Naturally,me and Tasha were the best choice as partners... We staged
double suicide - one rope,two loops,two dead bodies hanging on a
tree. Dirty stuff,especially in France. In
Rome,Italy we walked through autumn park when Tasha said:"I don't like
these fucking piles of dry leves".The mark was approaching us. We
got the guns ready and started running just in time - a whole bunch
of armed men jumped out of the pile... In Berlin,Germany we
are back to our car after dinner and she smells a man. We left the
car and in a few seconds in exploded.
Can I
have some food? Tasha is a hooker now.Beer only?OK.Rain only.Best time for
hookers.Loneliness and philosophy.Talking to myself.I'm getting old,young
guys never talk to themselves.
My sex life is good,transsexual
clubs mostly. The best of two worlds. You'v tried the rest ,now try the
best - I always make a joke of this ad - You've tried the best,now try the
rest!Girls with something extra.
On weekends we clean our New
York. Every Saturday I dress a little bit better than for Oscar Awards
and walk up & down Manhattan the whole night looking for nice
guys who are looking gor easy money; I do plastic facial surgery,dental
work and total physical too - and I prefere New Yorkers,of course.
I never take buses. Can I have Morning Headache? Beer
& vodka,thanks. I never take buses but once I did as I always
trust my intuition. Three beautiful guys came in and one of them marked a
small cross with a pen on the back of a seat. Then an old woman took
it and I was the only one who had a very good idea what's gonna happen
next .Nice guys played a special card game - you loose and you have to
kill anybody they point at. That was the case. We left the bus together
and I thought it would be too much honour for the garbage to be
shot,sorry...
What else. Oh, Most Wanted List. We have a Big
Crew Party when we got sex maniac or serial killer. Food and wine is
beyond imagination and sugar guest still has a right to order
anything from any Manhattan restaurant; I'm always ready to cook one
of my kidneys. The client has a right for the last wish and that's usually
Tasha's strip dancing. "Practitioner" was the best of
the best and before he happened two things only could surprise me in
this world - true love and true friendship . Now there's one more - true
cruelty that was unknown even to me. "Practitioner" kidnapped young
boys,took them to his basement,raped them and then they had a choice :
tortures and death or just death. Bob got him while checking
NYPD surveillance system in a subway. We were sitting at the table
and just couldn't say a word. Y o u
c a n n o t i m
a g i n e h o w h a
p p y we were . I
told him he could rape all of us one by one if that's his last wish
but he took a bottle of cognac. We all agreed that our guest
fully deserved a favour to be boiled on e very low fire - in such a
way he could watch a l l horrible home videos we found in his
basement.
No more rain ? No more beer. Don't call us crazy.
We are not afraid of hell - they need cleaners over there too. I had to
go. Thanks for the beer and God bless New York City.
The
End.
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